Kris was
staring at his glass of whisky quite intently, the golden liquid that had
changed his life. It had made him a miserable and pauper lout from the decent
person that he used to be. He had known many people who had ruined their lives
because of alcohol but they were all alcoholics who had abused their poison.
His case was a strange one as he knew no one else who had suffered like him. He
was a victim to a strange affliction caused by alcohol. It caused a disorder
that nobody could believe or understand. Alcohol would randomly trigger such
psychological effects in Kris that it would change him as a person. It would
drastically alter his personality in such a way that he would become a
different person after the attack. He would retain no resemblance to the person
that he used to be. The only aspect that remained with him was his memories. He
had been four different personalities in his lifetime. Four totally different
lives.
And today he
was drinking so that he could change yet again because his current personality
was the worst. He could no longer face his life as he had lost everything. Now,
the only option left with him was to change and the only way he could do it was
to trigger the attack deliberately. He had been drinking every day for the past
ten days in the hope that it would lead to an attack. So far, it had eluded him
but he had a feeling that today would be the day it would strike him. He had a
feeling in his gut that at the end of the day he would be a changed man. And
this time hopefully, for the better. He poured himself a fourth glass of cheap whisky,
the only kind he could afford, and waited patiently for the magic to unfold. As
he was drinking, he started reminiscing about what he used to be and what he
had become. He could vividly remember the night the first attack had hit him.
It was five
years back, on the night of a friend’s birthday. Then, he was twenty six and
happy and was leading a quiet life with a well established business of
distributing pharmaceutical medicines in his hometown Bombay. It earned him
enough to lead a comfortable lifestyle if not a lavish one. He was devoted to
his cute wife, Martha, who in-turn loved him and cared for him genuinely. He
would always joke that their two individual souls had fused into one
intertwined unit; such was the power of their love. He was respectful to people
and generally followed rules as long as it made sense. That time, everyone
liked him as he had a soft and endearing personality. He used to drink
moderately and only during social occasions. On the fateful night, he
remembered he was having a glass of Scotch and was enjoying the celebrations
around him when he suddenly felt giddy. He excused himself and sped to the
spare room at his friend’s place.
As soon as he
lied down on the bed he knew he was in trouble. He could hear sirens all around
and everything was spinning around him. He closed his eyes and felt that he was
transported into some sort of a nightmare. He was visualizing things he had
never seen before. Colourful images of ghost-like creatures which were
constantly rotating. His past life was moving in front of him in fast motion
and there were constant noises of ambulance sirens which seemed to be very near
to the room. Then, all of a sudden, things slowed down significantly and he was
facing some sort of a countdown. He could see two distinct images in his visual
imagination. One image was plain dark which would sometimes
change into faces of his loved ones. The other image was a swirling collection
of colours.
As moments
passed, the colours started overpowering the plain dark image and slowly and
steadily the plain dark images were reducing. The colours were dominating his
visual screen and as soon as the colours completely covered the screen, the
sirens started again. The colours started rotating in his mind. First, slowly
and then the pace increased as each moment passed. Kris eventually fell asleep
as the rotation and the sirens subsided.
He woke up the
next morning when his friend shook him up and greeted him with a knowing smile
as if understanding the after-effects of drinking too much. Kris was still
disoriented after the previous night and quickly excused himself to leave for
home. He could not wait to reach home and make sense of last night. He was
noticing that his hands were shaking while he was driving his car. He did not instantly
realize that he had changed as a person. But over time, he started realizing
that the night had altered him in a fundamental way. He had stopped taking care
of his business. His wife was filing for divorce proceedings as he had turned
violent on her which he had never done before. His friends were deserting him
as he had developed a fiery temper. He also became a more charitable person as
he started distributing cash to the first needy person he met.
He informed
his parents that he was quitting his business as he no longer had any
inclinations for it. His parents attributed his change to the divorce and they
felt that the trauma of separation was affecting him severely and thus were
supportive of his decision. After a month of staying with his parents, he
decided to become a canvas painter. He felt urges to convert the images that he
could see in his head into the canvas. Following his natural instincts, he
bought himself a canvas and painting tools. He had never done serious painting
before and the new experience was exhilarating. He painted half a dozen
paintings in no time and was getting recognition of his talent whenever he
displayed his paintings to others.
After six
months of the first attack, he took stock of the situation. He knew that things
had changed after the incident but he was not able to pinpoint alcohol as the
trigger. He was leading a different life in the past six months as he had
become a different person. He was noticing the minute and not so minute changes
in his personality. Before, he was a very tidy person who wanted things at its
place. After, everything in his room had become a mess. Before, he liked simple
movies with simple messages whereas after he no longer enjoyed such movies and
preferred complex and abstract movies. Before, he loved chocolate. After, he
detested it. There were more than hundred traits that had changed after the
attack. Before, he seldom experienced sadness. After, he was seldom
experiencing happiness.
On the whole,
he felt that his life had taken a turn for the worse as the separation from his
wife had left a huge vacuum in his life. He could not fathom how he could get
aggressive with the person whom he cherished the most. He was yet to completely
come to grips with the overwhelming changes in his personality as he changed in
the most fundamental of ways. The only aspect that provided comfort to him was
his paintings. The reviews provided by other artists were mostly positive. They
criticized the lack of technical knowledge but without exception everyone
realized his talent with colours. He could add dimensions to colours and create
visuals that would leave people open-mouthed with delight. His paintings were
now the only area of his life that kept him going.
He had also
started drinking more regularly as he believed alcohol provided him inspiration
for his paintings. One day, while he was having a drink alone at home, the
attack struck him again. He looked at the glass of whisky and finally made the
connection that it was alcohol which triggered his attacks. As the attack was
engulfing him, he understood that only alcohol could have been the catalytic
trigger which could change him instantly. He crisscrossed his way to the room
and fell into the bed with a thud. The nightmare had begun. This time, the attack
was even worse than the previous one. He felt that he was falling down deep
into a never ending abyss and was virtually hoping for a crash. Strange music
was playing inside his head, a hypnotic rhythm which kept repeating itself.
Suddenly the music stopped and a scream started as if his subconscious was
ringing the alarm bells. The scream kept increasing its intensity until he felt
his head would explode. The nightmare lasted for more than an hour until he
finally fell asleep.
The next
morning when he woke up, he was a changed man. His thought process had changed.
His perspective had altered from the previous night. His focus was distorted
and his observational skills were diminished. He also felt more relaxed and the
rate of his heartbeat was also perceptibly slower from his previous avatar. At
first, Kris did not realize the change in his personality. But after a few
weeks, he slowly started realizing the deep and structural changes that he was
going through as a human being. After the attack, his paintings skills had
completely vanished. He was painting like a ten year old with no propensity to
wield the brush. It all hit him at once. He was first shattered that he had
lost the ability to paint and later he slowly started piecing together the
jigsaw puzzle.
Finally, he
pieced together the facts and realizations and understood that the attacks post
drinking were causing him to change as a person. He promised himself that he
would never drink again. But by this time, he was feeling completely depressed.
His well-wishers, especially his parents, were wondering how a capable person
like him had morphed into a crazy ball of despair. After his initial display of
painting prowess, he was hoping that it would help him sustain his life while
providing a channel for his suffering. Now all hopes seemed lost. For around 6
months, he was completely unproductive. He had stopped talking to people, slept
for around fourteen hours every day, and whiled away his time watching TV,
mostly cartoons.
Kris’ parents
were extremely concerned about the mental state of their child. In fact, even
Kris’ father was falling into depression after seeing his son’s deterioration.
The only person who managed to keep the atmosphere lively was Kris’ mother. She
was always looking for ways to cheer up her husband and son. One evening, she
prepared Apple cake for his son as she thought it was his favourite. She went
into his room and lovingly fed him the cake with her own hands. Kris, no longer
liked Apple cake as his preferences had changed since the last attack, but his
eyes welled up with tears as he ate the cake. His mother carefully wiped his
tears and hugged him for what seemed like an eternity. Kris suddenly felt a
surge of power and energy by the affection shown to him by his mother. It was
an act of unconditional love that mothers are known for universally.
At that
moment, he decided that he would stop disappointing his loved ones and would
start providing a direction to his life. He took the classified sections of the
newspaper and carefully scrolled his eyes for a job opening in the
advertisement section.
He
concentrated for half an hour but he could not seem to find a job of his
liking. Finally something caught his eyes. It was an ad for a land sale. He
instinctively felt that he should pursue this opportunity.
He had savings
accumulated from his pharmaceutical distribution and the land owner was asking
for an amount which would take up slightly more than half his savings.
It would be a
significant risk for him but he decided to go with his intuition and pursue the
land deal. And anyways, he was also sick of the inaction of the past 6 months.
Finally, there was an opportunity for action and he would not let go of this
opportunity. He called up the number that was displayed on the ad and fixed up
an appointment with the land owner. He felt a surge of excitement. At last, he
was getting out of the rut. When he informed his parents about his intent to
purchase the parcel of land, they were wary at the beginning but eventually
relented after seeing Kris’ excitement.
The next day,
Kris met the landowner at the site of the property to discuss the terms of the
sale. After five minutes of routine conversation, Kris had an intuitive
realization that something was amiss with the behaviour of the landowner. He
concluded that either the land owner was swindling him about the legality of
the property or he was utterly desperate to sell the land. He immediately asked
the land owner probing questions about any legal issues in the property. The owner
satisfactorily answered all the questions and even showed him the legal
documents pertaining to the property. This then meant that if he had to rely on
his intuition, the landowner was desperate to sell the land. He decided to
again rely on his intuition and offered the land owner half the rate that he
was asking in the ad. Kris expected the land owner to laugh at the ridiculous
offer and was scared that he would be shooed away for being so naïve. Instead,
the landowner gulped and almost begged Kris to increase the offer considering
the market rate of the land.
This was the
moment when Kris realized that his intuition was indeed right. Only a person in
desperate need of money could contemplate selling the land at such cheap rates.
Kris, initially pleaded lack of funds with the owner but eventually relented to
increase his offer marginally. The owner heaved a sigh of relief and readily
shook hands on the revised offer. Kris later realized that the owner was
heavily in debt and had to sell the land at such distressed rates to avoid
bankruptcy. After the meeting, Kris readily made arrangements to purchase the
property. Within a few days, the site was registered in his name and the
documents were transferred.
Kris felt deep
satisfaction as he held the property documents in his name. He knew that he was
back in the game and felt proud that he was recovering from the abyss that he
had fallen into. He then decided to talk to his father about the potential
action steps to be taken on the land as his father had a fair idea of real
estate. After analyzing all options, he concluded that constructing a
residential apartment in the land would be the best choice as there were a lot
of commercial spaces and offices around the property. He intuitively felt that
people would prefer residing near to their office place and save on the commute
time. But since he had no construction experience, he decided he would have to
hire a contractor to construct the building. He immediately placed an ad in the
newspaper to hire one.
The next week,
he received a call from a person who expressed interest in taking up the
services. Kris scheduled an appointment for the same evening at a coffee shop
near to his home. At the coffee shop, he saw a young man in his mid-twenties
who seemed to be looking for someone. Kris ignored him as he was expecting the
contractor to be a middle aged person. But he was utterly surprised when the
young man approached him and asked for him and introduced himself as Mark.
Kris would
have normally rejected the young man immediately looking at his youth and
perceptible inexperience. But something within him was stopping him. It was his
intuition again. And by now, he had developed great respect for his intuition.
He gave Mark a
chance to explain his capabilities and was not disappointed. In spite of his
youth, Mark showed a lot of clarity of thought and understanding which
extremely impressed Kris. And since this would be Mark’s first project he was
offering his services at a 40% discount to the market rates prevailing for
contractors. Kris hid his excitement and expressed that he was sceptical of
hiring Mark due to his inexperience. Immediately, Mark offered a further 20%
discount to add to the earlier discount. Kris could not control his glee and
burst out into a smile. He hired Mark on the spot.
With his
remaining savings, he started the construction of the residential apartment
along with Mark. Mark proved to be a quick learner and was hard working and
honest to boot. With his dedication and intelligence, Mark was able to complete
the construction quickly and cost effectively. It took no time for Kris to
realize that he would be sitting on handsome profits once the apartments were
sold. He thanked his stars for the luck and his intuition for the insights. He
vowed never to drink again as he did not want to risk losing his enhanced
intuition.
As Kris had
expected, there was huge demand for the apartments from office goers who
preferred the convenience of a home nearby to their office. The apartments were
sold out in no time and in the process made Kris extremely rich. Kris had never
seen so much money and did not know what to do with it. He paid Mark an extra
bonus for his hard work and reserved the rest of the money for his next
project. All this while, he had resisted all temptations to drink. These were
the best times of his life and he did not want to ruin it. He was also glad
that he was able to make his parents happy again. The only person missing in
his life was his ex-wife Martha. Kris still missed her a lot and was cursing
his previous version for being such a stupid fool. He had heard from one of
their common friends that Martha was also anguished at the prospect of losing
someone whom she cared for deeply. Krish deeply wanted to get back with her but
could not muster the guts to face her after his previous debacle. His own
behaviour had posed a question mark subconsciously about whether he deserved to
be with Martha again.
With this
experience of constructing an apartment, he realized that real estate was his calling
and was now on the hunt for the next property. He diligently started
researching and came to know that there was a particular property that was
being coveted by all the major real estate players. The property was in a
central location of the city and many property developers in the market
recognized the value in the property. But somehow, all the developers had
failed to negotiate on the price with the owner of the property.
The owner was
an old widow who had just lost her husband and was planning to relocate to her
daughter’s home as she did not feel comfortable staying alone at her home. For
this reason, she was looking for buyers to sell her home to. This news had
created a lot of buzz in real estate circles as the home was located in a prime
locality.
Kris again
intuitively felt that a commercial property built at the widow’s home would
sell like hot cakes and decided to give a shot at purchasing the property. The
profits that he had made from the residential apartment would be more than
enough to purchase the widow’s home and construct at it. Without scheduling an
appointment he directly approached the widow’s home and rang the bell.
A servant
opened the door and Kris was led inside to the hall after he mentioned the
reason of visit. It looked like the servant was used to entertaining strangers
looking to buy the property. A few minutes later, an old lady entered into the
hall and introduced herself as Mrs. Thomas. Kris struck a conversation with her
and talked to her about her daughter and her grandchildren.
After an hour
or so of routine conversation, the lady began discussing the sale of property.
Mrs. Thomas asked Kris at what price he would be comfortable in purchasing the
property. Kris’ intuition suggested that the price would be an important
parameter for Mrs. Thomas in deciding the buyer. So, he decided to quote the
prevailing market price rather than haggle for a discounted price. At the
offer, Mrs. Thomas looked at Kris intensely for a while and then offered her
hands. She had accepted the price! Kris could not believe his luck. He had been
awarded with something that the major and experienced developers were coveting.
He asked her the reason for accepting him as the buyer and not the other
developers who had even more resources at their disposal. She replied that
without exception all the developers who had approached her had considered her
vulnerable and wanted to take advantage of her old age.
Even though
she was aware of the market price, the developers perceived her to be ignorant of
market conditions. She said that Kris was the first potential buyer who had
treated her with respect and offered her the proper market price. And that was
all that Mrs. Thomas was looking for. Within a week, the transaction was
consummated and Kris was the proud owner of Mrs. Thomas’ home.
Immediately he
contacted Mark and asked him if his services were available again. Mark gladly
assented and in no time got to work on the construction of a business centre at
the property. As expected, the response for the property was phenomenal and
again resulted in windfall profits for Kris. His quick growth in the real
estate market had generated a lot of respect for Kris and he was considered as
the one to watch out for in the future. Kris was overwhelmed with the success
that he had secured in such a short period of time.
Even in his
wildest imagination, he had not expected to earn so much money. He had never
felt happier in his life. He recollected how depressed he was a couple of years
ago. The magical moment when his mother fed him the apple cake had turned his
life around. His intuition was also pivotal in getting him to where he was.
But the more
successful he was the more he felt that he was missing Martha by his side. He
had kept track on Martha to see whether she had remarried and was glad that she
had not. He considered calling her but he could not place the call. The shame
of having abused her in his previous avatar was still there and he felt that he
could not face her anymore.
He tried to
channelize the pain and pour it into his real estate efforts. He was keen to
continue his winning streak in real estate. He had organized a huge celebratory
bash to mark his arrival in the big league. All the reputed people in the real
estate industry were invited for the bash. He also wanted his parents to soak
in the success and was looking forward to the bash with immense enthusiasm.
When the celebrations began, he saw everyone enjoying their drinks and having a
good time. Many people even asked him why he was not drinking. He initially resisted
his temptations to drink but eventually caved in. He rationalized that if he
drinks for one day it will do him no harm. And anyways, the celebrations were
very important to him and he wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. It was worth
the risk. When he took the first sip he felt his whole body relaxing.
He had
forgotten how good it felt. He involved himself in the celebrations with full
gusto and poured himself another drink. While he was having the third round of
scotch, he suddenly felt intuitively that he was committing a grave mistake and
had gotten carried away in the celebrations.
He immediately
threw away the remaining drink and hoped that he would not have to suffer
another attack. Unfortunately, it was not to be. A few minutes later his head
started feeling heavy and giddy. He knew he had to crash to a room quickly or
the invitees would feel that he was suffering from a bout of fits. He quickly
approached Mark and asked him to find him a room in a nearby hotel. Mark was diligent
as ever and quickly placed Kris in a room. Kris told Mark to take care of the
guests in the party while he rested in the room. As soon as Kris crashed into
the bed, he realized that this attack would be more powerful than the previous
two attacks. He was blinded with intense pain on his temple and felt his heart
pounding rapidly.
The attack was
taking him to never seen before places within his mind. He could see the
massive, complex cosmos and yet within the unstructured universe he caught a
glimpse of a tiny organised world. It seemed like a beautiful oasis amidst a
mammoth wilderness of randomness. It felt like he had penetrated a veil and had
witnessed the unseen which was not supposed to be seen. It was a glance at the
unknowable. The brilliance of this forbidden sight was dazzling as well as
blinding just like the radiance of the afternoon sun. Then he began to experience synaesthesia, a
condition where one can simultaneously experience two senses together. Kris
could hear loud music being played in a faraway place which was getting
converted and transmitted as images in his head.
In the images,
Kris could see his mother giving an impassioned defence about the innocence of
her son in a strange language that Kris could not understand. The universe
itself was the judge and the universe proclaimed a judgement in its infinite
wisdom in another strange language. Kris appeared within his own images and
bowed his head in misery after listening to the judgement. Then the music
stopped and so did the images. The next few hours, Kris had to go through
intense headache and suffering before the pain subsided and he fell asleep.
The next
morning, as Kris woke up, he understood he had changed. He groaned loudly and
slapped himself on the face for getting carried away and breaking his promise.
Just when things were finally working out so well for him he had ruined it. The
previous night’s attack had left him extremely fatigued and exhausted. But he
consoled himself that this time at least he had a lot of money and he would be
able to cope up in his life. He would not be crushed with sorrow as he was the
last time the attack had struck him. Yes. He would have to cope up with the
change. He was a changed person and he had to deal with it. At that moment, he
looked out of the window to get some fresh air and on an impulse, started
counting the cars that were running on the street. He had never done this
before. He had never been a numbers
person in his life but now all he could think of was numbers. He was analyzing
the distance from the bed to the bathroom. And at other times, he was taking
two random numbers and multiplying it.
Before he used
to think in terms of images and words but now he could think of nothing but
numbers. The amount of time it would take him to have a shower. The sum of
money he had in his wallet which he calculated to the exact rupee. He then
started calculating the amount of money he held in various bank accounts which
was again a first in his life. He instantly realized that now that he had changed
he would no longer have the enhanced intuition that had served him so well. As
if on cue, he starting counting the number of times his intuition had helped
him in the previous version of his life. He was surprised to feel that he no
longer felt excited about his real estate business. What he had felt was his
calling before no longer interested him. He felt more excited in drowning
himself in numbers and making sense of the world through numbers.
He turned on
the TV and was flicking through the channel when he came across a business
channel. He was suddenly intrigued by the stock tickers that kept whizzing by
on the bottom side of the channel. He had seen it in the previous lives as well
but it had never intrigued him before. Now, he was completely fascinated by the
numbers that suggested so many things to people who understood what it meant.
At that moment, he realized what his new calling would be. The stock markets!
It was a treasure trove of numbers which could be understood and analyzed. He
was seized by enthusiasm to convert the numbers into meaningful information and
stock markets would be an adequate platform to pour his energies into. He
immediately called up a stockbroker friend of his and fixed an appointment to
know more about the mysterious world of stock markets.
The next day
he met his friend and tried to understand the mechanics of stock market. The
meeting went on for hours but it could not assuage his thirst for knowledge of
it. When the meeting was about to conclude, Kris decided that he would start
trading in the markets from the next day itself. As he was about to leave, his
friend warned him about the pitfalls that could entrap the self-assured and
asked Kris to be cautious. Kris nodded and smiled and told him not to worry.
That evening, Kris began analyzing reams of data regarding the price movements
and business financials of companies. The more he researched the more he was
confident that he would master the game.
His analysis
suggested to him that the markets were up for a huge bull run and he could make
money by buying stocks. He tested the waters by investing a part of his savings
in the market. And as luck would have it, the markets increased significantly
and landed Kris a neat profit. His first moves in the stock market provided
Kris a huge sense of exhilaration. Bolstered by his initial success he decided
to invest all his savings into the stock market. And the markets obliged. In 3
months he had increased his net worth by 60%.
He had fallen
in love with the game of stock markets where profits were the way to keep
points. But something within Kris was not satisfied. His initial success had
increased his confidence and he wanted to amplify the gains that he was making
in the markets. He researched and found out that stock futures could be used as
lever to magnify the gains that he was making. He realized that he could
magnify the results by 4-5 times by using futures. Had he used futures from the
start his gains would potentially have been up to 300% rather than 60%. He
decided that without further ado he would start purchasing stock futures and
make more profits than he could imagine in his wildest imaginations.
With the money
he had made in real estate and stock markets he could retire and lead a
luxurious life for the rest of his lifetime. But he felt that it would be no
fun when compared to the excitement he felt in the stock markets. The next day
he allocated 80% of his net worth into stock futures and waited for the cash to
roll in. A week went by and he made further profits which were now magnified by
the leverage he was using. Kris could now see nothing but numbers in front of
him.
He was
constantly calculating various permutations and combinations in different
scenarios. In essence, for Kris, the money he was making no longer mattered. It
was the thrill of winning the game of stock markets that truly excited him. The
more money he made the more he felt like a winner in life. He called up his
stockbroker friend and informed him about the success that he had garnered in such
a short period of time. When his friend realized that Kris was playing in stock
futures he tried to convince Kris about the dangers of it and how he had
personally witnessed clients getting ruined by the game of Futures. But Kris
scoffed at him by telling him not to envy his abilities to make money in the
markets and kept the phone on his friend’s face.
But the
stockbroker’s words proved to be prescient. A few days after the conversation,
a huge terrorist attack took place which created pandemonium and panic in the
markets. Kris was dumbfounded. He was betting the markets would move up but due
to the attack the markets collapsed by 25% within a week. Kris was frozen by
the change of events and he was sitting on huge losses which would virtually
wipe out 98% of his net worth. He received a call from his broker who informed
him that he was closing all his positions as there was a huge negative
shortfall in Kris’ account.
Kris was left
with no option but to sell the luxurious condominium that he was living in and
use almost all of his reserves to clear the shortfall. Unfortunately, as soon
as he cleared the shortfall, the markets recovered dramatically. Had he not
been over-leveraged he could have the staying power which would have reduced
his losses to a meagre 10% instead of 98% that he had to endure.
After this
turn of events, Kris was a shattered man. He had lost everything. From being
extremely successful he had become a pauper. He felt hopeless and depressed. He
kicked himself for not paying heed to his friend’s words. He was back in his
parent’s place, had lost almost all his money, had lost the love of his life
and was completely devoid of energy. He hated his life. All this while, he was
so absorbed by the markets and was enjoying the ride so much that he had
avoided drinking lest he change again. But he had realized that he was so
blinded by numbers that he had forgotten everything else. The numbers had made
him blind to words and other people’s feelings. His friend’s words of warning
kept haunting him every day and troubled him deeply. He hated himself for being
so foolish. His self-hatred led him to deciding to change as a person. And that
was when he turned to alcohol. For better or worse, it was an instrument that
could change him in an instant.
The next ten
days he drank consecutively. On the tenthth day, while he was reminiscing about
the past gone by, he had a feeling that it would be the day that would lead to
change. As he finished going back in time to recollect his past four
personalities, his feelings proved to be right. As soon as he finished his
fourth drink, he started feeling giddy. He progressed to his bed and lied down
waiting for the change to take over. This time, he could see images of his
childhood floating in his head.
He saw himself
when he was around eight years old smiling rather innocently. Then the images
turned to memories. He was accessing long lost memories that were hidden deep
within the realms of his mind.
He was tapping
imagination of his very early childhood. He was not certain of the exact
timeline of the childhood but he could guess it was when he was around two or
three years old. It seemed like a different world to him. There were no words
or numbers. It was pure images. Colourful images that a child imagines. Kris
was enthralled by what he was visualizing in front of him. Something at the
back of his mind told him that he was back in his childhood which was a lot
happier and simpler time. It brought him back to a period of time where
everything was looked at with wonderment and amazement.
Image after
colourful image kept floating past him. This time the trigger was surprisingly
pleasant. He was taken over with feelings of bliss and harmony. And then time
suddenly stopped. He was accessing memories that he had experienced when he was
an infant. Time seemed completely paused. He was transported into a time where
he had access only to the most basic emotions. The next ten minutes passed away
as if it were hours. Then the attack took him further back in time. He accessed
memories that had occurred to him while he was in the womb. He experienced
complete nothingness. It was complete darkness and blankness. No images. No
words. No numbers. No emotions. No feelings. No thoughts. It was pure
nothingness. He was floating in time. And then he fell asleep.
Next morning
when he woke up, he had a smile in his face. Last night’s experience had truly
transformed him for the better. He was feeling extremely happy and satisfied.
And the happiness did not depend on any external validation like success,
achievement, fame or money. He was happy because it was the natural state of
being for him.
Past
experiences had been tumultuous. Scarring him and exhilarating him by turns.
But currently he felt he was undergoing a self-healing process underneath. He
was feeling peace and contentment that he had never experienced before, even
when he was the owner of extreme wealth and had achieved unbelievable success.
And since he was feeling happy in spite of being poor he knew that the feeling
was for good. He secured himself a managerial position in a nearby bank and
worked on it diligently and satisfactorily. He no longer felt the urge to gain
material success or wealth. He also no longer felt the urge to drink again.
But, just like before, he felt a void in his life.
The absence of
Martha was still haunting him. He realized that he had to win her back. She had
always been supportive, caring and loving until he had betrayed her trust by
physically abusing her. But that brute was long gone. He had transformed. He
was simple and honest and could not hurt a fly. Eventually, when he could no
longer be without Martha, Kris decided to muster his courage and meet her. On
the way, he was thinking of all the things he was going to say to convince her.
He would honestly bare all and let her decide if she still wanted to return in
his life. He was feeling extremely jittery as he walked to her doorsteps. He
was mentally rehearsing the lines he was going to tell her as he nervously
pressed the bell to her home. He crossed his fingers and waited tensely for
someone to open the door.
It was Martha
who opened the doors. Kris tried to mumble something and remember the words
that he was just memorizing but no words came out. Finally, he was able to
stutter the words “I love you. I am sorry I hurt you” to Martha as she was
staring at him wide-eyed with surprise. Martha nodded and invited him inside.
He could see Martha was trying her best not to reveal what she was feeling
inside. He understood that she was terribly hurt by his previous conduct. He
could still see fear in her eyes when she looked at him. He was unsure whether
she would believe him but he decided he would nevertheless narrate the events
that had transpired. Martha seemed sceptical of what she was hearing but Kris
diligently explained everything to her.
He could see
that Martha was grappling with an internal dilemma and did not seem completely
convinced. She then decided to gaze intently at his eyes as though his eyes
would reveal the answers to her. Kris met her gaze, hoping she could see the
honesty in his eyes. After a while, Kris noticed the doubts melting away from
Martha as her shoulders relaxed and her eyes became softer. Martha broke into
tears and lovingly hugged him with all her might. She had chosen to believe him
and wanted to be with him too. It was the most amazing moment Kris had ever
experienced. He had finally reclaimed his life.
As Kris and
Martha started living together again, it felt like they had never separated.
Two united souls which had become disjointed were beginning to fuse back again.
Kris was thankful for having gained Martha back in his life. He was
appreciating her value and importance much more now that he realized how
painful it was to lose her. Martha too was feeling happy after a long time.
Once she had separated with Kris, she had forgotten how to smile. Now she was
laughing heartily at the smallest things. The world felt alive again. Her eyes
gleamed with energy and hope. The fact that Kris had lost most of his wealth
did not bother her one bit, but she realized that it was something that worried
Kris. Alone, Kris did not mind the lack of wealth, but now that Martha was a
part of his life again he was ashamed that he could not provide her a similar
quality of life like before.
To assuage his
shame, Martha had an idea to reclaim his lost wealth. She asked Kris to show
her the six paintings that he had drawn while being an artist. Kris did not see
the point but reluctantly agreed to show her. She was aghast that Kris had
thrown away five of the paintings in a dirty corner without bothering about its
impact on condition. She berated him for his lack of responsibility. Kris
sheepishly responded by showing her a portrait of hers which he had kept in top
class condition by framing and covering it. Martha was spellbound by the sight
of the painting. It took her breath away and she began to weep. The painting
was about a constellation of stars shining brightly in the night sky and bang
in the middle was a giant star that looked eerily like Martha having a happy
moment.
As she
recovered her emotional bearings, she called up a certain Mr. Hormuz
Taraporevala for whom she had worked for on an administrative capacity.
Taraporevala was a renowned philanthropist and art collector, who was well
known for his generosity. He immediately agreed to meet them and appraise the work
of Kris. When Kris saw Taraporevala, he felt that he was in the company of a
character from the Wodehousian fantasies of Blandings castle who had been
transported mysteriously into Cuffe Parade. Perhaps, Mr. Taraporevala was the
Lord Emsworth of Cuffe Parade. There was a childlike innocence and curiosity in
his mannerisms which instantly transformed into alert awareness as his eyes
came across the paintings. His eyes surveyed the paintings like a Hawk as he
deftly appraised each of the paintings. He could not suppress a gasp of
pleasure as his eyes came upon the framed portrait of Martha.
After he had
deeply analysed all the six paintings, Taraporevala looked at Martha and said
“Dikri, put these five paintings on one side and your framed portrait on
another side. These five paintings are alright, they show glimpses of raw
talent but this portrait is a class apart. Your chokra has not created a piece
of art; it is a work of devotion. It should be celebrated as such. These five
paintings I value at not more than Rs. 20 lakhs all put together, but this
constellation portrait is worth at least Rs. one crore!”
At these
words, Kris felt tears of joy pouring out of his eyes. When he glanced at
Martha, he saw even Martha was overwhelmed with joy. Taraporevala looked at the
two of them and even he could not help but feel an outpouring of joy and
happiness. Tears of joy started flowing out of his eyes uncontrollably. It was
an odd sight. Three grown-ups laughing and crying together at the same time and
yet all the three realized that it was a moment of pure bliss that had been
captured permanently in the depths of their collective hearts.
